Because I like Vodka.

I'm watching Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights and while it's certainly not the original, it isn't that bad. I am not, however, digging on the R&B in the soundtrack. Seriously, it's 1950's Cuba. Modern R&B? Gag. And Diego Luna is kind of cute- but don't judge by his IMDB pic.

I like vodka.

Jack's second tooth came through. If we keep up at the rate of one per week he'll be done in... not very long.

Did you know Patrick Swayze was in Havana Nights? Playing the same character? Set chronologically before the original? It's kind of sad. Oh shit. Now Maya is singing. Honestly. Get rid of the damn R&B.

More on the work controversy, but it all deserves it's own post. Coming Soon!

I really like vodka.

Have I shown you my living room lately? Well, I am not going to. Wow it looks so, so bad. There's this whole explanation for why it looks as bad as it does, but it boils down to Joe and I being lazy/too tired when we aren't working.

Nor will I show you myself. My ass is very big. (To be honest, I may have lost a little bit of weight, my pants are much looser on me. I haven't weighed myself since that time a few months ago so I don't really know for sure. But I still have a fat ass)

mmmmm. vodka.

Who knew Elmo could be scary?

I know, I know. I've been remiss in posting. Not only remiss, but it doesn't seem like a good idea to say you are depressed and then disappear. So yeah, I'm okay. I've just had the hardest time getting the motivation to post, or ideas at all for that matter.

Over Thanksgiving Joe's middle sister (he has five) gave us about three trashbags full of toys a friend of hers had decided to weed out. She called me ahead of time to ask did I want them. She seemed to think I would consider myself "above" used toys. Are you fucking kidding me? The only thing I can think of that we bought Jack ourselves was the Ocean Wonders Aquarium. Every other gift has been given to us, 90% of those used. Bring on the free presents beeyotch. (Not that she's a bitch, I'm just in a really odd mood). The toys are great but there was one weird thing I noticed. Elmo. Everywhere Elmo, including the one Elmo I truly despise, that little piece of Evil that sings "ELMO" to the tune of "YMCA". Man that thing is scary. So I now share with you a picture of all the Elmos.

Who needs six Elmos?? Is there some kind of conspiracy at work here? And if these were the ones she was giving away how many more does she have?


There were also a couple Elmo books, but I only showed the one that had the Elmo puppet bursting out the cover, all the better to accost you with my dear.





The Elmos now live in a crate. I think they will be happier there.












The Baby Tad from Leap Frog, as well as this Fisher Price turtle that spins, and the light up singing ball are all wonderful toys that Jack adores. Even if he only ever makes them work by accident.









On a final note, Jack has started taking small steps along the couch or whatever object he has pulled himself standing up against. He also has one tooth through, with the one next to it (the bottom front teeth) about to come through in the next week. I also got more witnesses of him saying mama, so I have further evidence I didn't hallucinate it. Always a possibility in my world.

Sarcasm

I'm just so broken-up over Nick and Jessica. My Thanksgiving is completely ruined.

(On a side note, who announces their breakup the day before Thanksgiving?)

Loaves and Fishes

Last night we went to the Thanksgiving Banquet at my mom's church. I'm thinking, "Hey, free food. I can put up with church if it's just for food". So off we go, with visions of the church potlucks from my youth dancing through my head.
Turns out, I either blanked out what those dinners were actually like, or this is just a very different kind of church. As soon as we got there we had people accosting us to help us carry things. Nice, but kind of creepy. Then when they asked Joe to keep an eye on the coffee, some strange lady came up and started freaking out not to touch anything because it wasn't done. Alrighty then...

After a lot of uncomfortable introductions, and the painful revelation that not only was I the only female in jeans I was the only female in pants, it got to be time for dinner. So who shows up but my sister. If you haven't been reading for a while you may have missed the part where I loathe my sister. So here's the thing: I loathe my sister. And there she is. Had I known she was going to be there we wouldn't have gone, but by now it was far too late to escape, no matter how much we wanted to. But there's still free food, right? There's still all the yummy homemade food to be eaten.

We finally got our food, and it was decent enough, and the deserts were quite nice. Had the evening ended there I would have called it a draw with the positives and negatives. What I didn't realize, and what I swear my mother deliberately withheld from me, was that the dinner was also to feature a testimonial time and preaching.
I don't particularly do preaching and testimonials. Especially when the "I'm thankful for..." testimonials turn in to a giant circle jerk. "I'm thankful for Brother Steve" "I'm thankful for our Pastor and what an amazing man he is".
And since when is Thanksgiving a patriotic holiday? I heard someone refer to it that way and nearly choked on my mashed potatoes. Everyone kept acting like it was time to sing "God Bless America". The Fourth of July is a patriotic holiday. It actually has to do with the founding of our country. Thanksgiving is NOT a patriotic holiday. Nor does it seem right to thank God for "How well things are going in our country right now".
Wait a minute here. What country did we drive into last night when we went to church? Because the one I live in things are not going so well. These people truly felt they were, and that we have God to thank for it. Personally I doubt God is all that pleased with what he sees here. Christ wasn't too fond of the moneylenders in the temple you know.

The whole experience was painful. I kept hoping Jack would start to cry and give us an escape. But no, he had to be perfectly behaved. Luckily he fell asleep and right at the start of the preaching and I just jumped on that opportunity to get out of there. I know, I know. It serves me right for trying to get the proverbial free lunch. I shouldn't try to take advantage, etc. But Jesus. I don't hate God, or churches in general, but this is not really a church I think would feel at home in.
Somehow, I don't feel so bad about that.

I do like stuffing though

I feel like crap.
One would think I'd be looking forward to the days off and lots of food this weekend, but no, really not so much. Thanksgiving was never bigger than seven people in my family, and that's the number of Joe and his siblings alone. Now, I've mentioned that I don't like groups of people. So there's this huge painful gathering looming on the horizon, and right now I'd rather just sit at home and eat the pie I plan on making.

Does anyone get to go anywhere or do anything that is actually fun for Thanksgiving this year? I swear one year I'm just going to kidnap my immediate family and drive the three of us down to Mexico or something. Or maybe up to Canada. They have Thanksgiving in October. I could escape it that way.

I'm going to go now. My foot itches.

I hate my job

I thought about filling a whole post with "I hate my job", but that would get boring for both of us. But oh, do I ever.
Joe keeps telling me that I can quit whenever I want, which is comforting, but I think I'll stick it out a little longer, it's just this week. Besides, I kind of want to be there when the shit hits the fan.

I also hate the cold. And having colds. And people. I really shouldn't start with all the things I hate right now, I may never shut up. I hate it when people don't shut up.

In Which I Use The Dreaded "C-Word"

Somehow my comments got set that they must be approved, so I just now found a ton of them. At least I know now that my self-loathing post wasn't ignored. Yeah, I am that needy. I am also getting my first real troll-related hate mail. Many from people who I am sure that have never read my site before. Oh, and while I'm at it...

For your information you dumb asswipe, being at the Health Department doesn't make me a "Welfare cunt". Wanna know another neat thing about Halo-Scan comments? BAN! I BAN YOUR DUMB ASS YOU CUNT. HA HA HA. LOOK AT MY POWER.
If you don't get the humor in the above rant, I suggest my site is not for you.

The End.

(In all seriousness, the hate mail made me sick to my stomach. I don't want people to hate me. I don't want people to misunderstand me. I know my sense of humor is screwed up, and if you haven't been reading this site for a while it's not always obvious what the joke is. So here's the thing: I'm the joke. I make fun of myself, I make fun of my life. I make fun of the things that go on in my head and the things that come out of my mouth. The only serious things that I have talked about on this site were the situation at work and my abortion post. Everything else has been through the JRM brain-filter, and that's one fucked up filter. All that said though, seriously, if you don't get the humor just block me or don't come back. That's the best advice I can give you.)

Hi

Still depressed, and still ill. Pretty sure that the illness is due to the depression. It usually is.

Still alive.

Self Loathing

It's odd, I feel very badly about myself lately. There are several reasons, but one of the foremost being the situation at work. You may think, "Don't feel badly, you stood up, you got someone to pay attention to this travesty" etc. But what may surprise you is that I feel bad about ratting out my job. I really do like the people I work with. I know that as soon as this comes out, if it does, that it will be known that it was me and I feel as if I've betrayed them. I keep wondering if I should have simply told them it was offensive without going a litigious route. I'm terrified of this all being found out and being branded a traitor. Yet if I'd said nothing I'd be a traitor to myself and my morals.

Like I said, that's only one of the things I am beating myself up over, but it's the only one I feel like going into at any depth right now.

Am I a horrible person internet? I need some sucking up to, so yeah, I'm fishing for compliments.

Nerd Porn (Now with disclaimer!)

Jack stood up this morning! He's been pulling himself up onto his knees for a couple weeks, and today he pulled himself all the way up on his feet, about three times in a row. Of course my dumb ass was too busy squealing and calling my mom to take pictures, but I will have some soon, I know.

In other news, the local used bookstore that I've been patronizing since it opened five years ago, is closing at the end of the month.* It really makes me sad, because I've actually built up a history with the owner Cathy, and she's always been incredibly kind to me. She's given me free books on my birthday, she's given Joe books and toys to Caleb. She's watched me through the two real relationships I've been in during that time, and has been if not a friend, then someone I hold pretty dear. Plus, did I mention the free books?

We went over this morning and got what would have easily been over $100 worth of books at her usual prices, for just over $25. Not to mention the toy she gave Caleb, the book she gave Joe and the discount she gave me. I am really, really going to miss this store. She's selling her bookcases too, so I'm thinking we'll go back in a week or two and pick one up, because if I didn't need it before today I really do now.

*The owner has decided to go into a different business, and is not being put out of business due to lack of sales.

Damn

Well, I am pleased to report that Jack didn't get sick, but unfortunately everyone else in the house did. Evil baby-mama forgot to mention Caleb was contagious.

Dear Mothers at the Health Department

Hi there! This is Jack's Raging Mommy. As we have mommy-hood in common, I salute you and give you much credit. But there is one small thing we need to discuss.
Yes, my son is adorable. He's damn cute to be accurate. Thank you for noticing and telling me that you think so. I love vicarious praise for my child.

Here's where our issue begins. Admiring from a distance? Great. Sending your unwashed, filthy, snot nosed (LITERALLY) children over to look and TOUCH my child is not acceptable. In no way shape or form is this allowed.

You see Health Department moms, my 6-month old has never been sick. Not one sniffle, cold, earache, nada. So you sending your germy kids over to touch my child makes me angry. And you wouldn't like me when I'm angry. I know you don't know that I am Jack's Raging Mommy, but trust me, finding out in real life is much much worse than finding out over the internet.

For future fucking reference, ask. Ask the mother if it's okay if your nasty kids lean in their baby's face. Ask if the great unwashed can touch the baby. A stranger's baby. You don't know me bitch. What the fuck makes you so presumptuous? Have some courtesy, rein in your children and don't let them think they can be as selfish and thoughtless as you are.

Thank You,
Jack's Raging Mommy

And now for something completely normal

Life has continued to happen over the last few days, no matter how preoccupied I've been. Here are some stories from the daily life of Jack's Raging Mommy.

Caleb's (my step-son's) mom called to say that Caleb was having a surgery to repair his botched circumcision. Not disfiguring botched, he just still has half his foreskin and it caused a lot of problems with infections and UTIs. She wanted Joe to come up for the procedure, which of course he would. Caleb is his son, he's not going to not be there for him.

The day before the operation Caleb's mom calls to say that she is moving into a new apartment this week, and between work and the move she can't handle Caleb's recuperation and would we take him. For a week. On one day's notice. Never mind that she also has a two year old who would be underfoot, who she isn't sending off to anyone. She couldn't deal. So whatever.

After laying down all our conditions (she lives two hours away, and we always are the ones who have to make the round trip so this time she had to meet us part way. She needed to send a full weeks clothing since we cant be running to the Laundromat every two days, we needed a full week's worth of medicine with written dosage instructions and his Medicaid card, as well as a written note giving us the ability to make medical decisions should the need arise) we agreed. The one other condition, more of me laying down the law, was that from now on if we don't get a minimum of three days notice the answer is no.

Monday afternoon Caleb and Joe stopped by work to say hi when they got back into town. Caleb who had not had surgery. Caleb who'd never actually been scheduled for a surgery. I cannot begin to go into how deeply I hate this woman. She has manipulated and used everyone in her life to the point that no one is willing to help her. Their credit scores prohibit it if nothing else. (NO, we do not give this woman money, though she has the nerve to complain how her $275 a month child support isn't enough to pay her rent. You know what bitch? That's not what it's for. God I hate her.)

Evil Baby-mamas aside, the visit is going really well. Caleb and Jack get along better than I could have dreamed, and he really likes me and there's none of the "Your not my mom you can't tell me what to do" crap. In fact he tells me I can be his step-mom forever, and once left off the step part.

Cryptic much?

I cannot go into too many details, because I have started the process of pursuing legal options with the wonderful people at Lambda Legal.

An applicant where I work was denied employment because she was gay. Not only that, but a somewhat derogatory note was written on her application by someone at my work, and taped to the wall of the office for all to see and mock, which is how it was brought to my attention.

I do not know or have proof (yet) as to who wrote the note, though my gut gives me a good idea. I have photographed both the note and application in case they are needed.

Now here's the thing, I love the people I work with. Well, there's evil witch woman but her handwriting is very distinctive and she was not the author. These are genuinely nice people who I've always liked and I find out that they are bigots. What is worse is that I now realize they don't know my status as a bisexual, which I truly thought they did, and I'm afraid that if it comes out I could be fired. (I live in Missouri, both the refusal to hire and a firing for sexual orientation are legal)

I still have hope that the note was written by a fellow employee and not a manager, but even if it were, the managers should have taken the note down and spoken to the responsible party long before now.

There's a lot more I've been hashing over, but I wanted to give you all a bit more of an idea what I've been being so cryptic about.
I also welcome links to this post from your sites, or blogging about the situation by my readers so that I can receive more feedback.

Silence is not an option

I looked into my son's face tonight, and realized I could never justify to him keeping silent on my dilemma issue.
Option A is to report to legal authorities, with photographic evidence.
Option B is to report to local news outlets with photographic evidence.
Option C is that evidence is no longer able to be photographed and tell managers it offended me.
Option D is to tell managers that I was offend and how it effects me personally, risking my job.
Option E is to say nothing.
Any one of these could happen depending on the status of certain things at work tomorrow.

Stay tuned.

Silence=Death

I am facing a very serious moral and ethical dilemma, that may result in a lawsuit and/or me losing or leaving my job.
I don't want to talk about it in depth here until I have a better handle on what I am going to do, and what will be done in general.
I'm just terribly confused and angry and depressed and hurt and above all completely and utterly lost as to what to do.
Cryptic aren't I?

I promise I will fill you in as soon as I've come to a decision, or I figure out my options.

Just bragging

1102 030
Originally uploaded by Jack's Raging Mommy.

Not photo-blogging, just showing off. This is Jack feeding himself today. We got this nifty bottle with handles coming off the sides, that also has a sippy cup nipple as well as the regular one for when it's time to transfer over.

Blech

I have some sort of not-so-fun gastro/intestinal thing going on. As such I am in a rotten mood, and not the kind that results in funny ranting posts. Try me later tonight, after all, it's ER night and I'm sure they'll have done something asinine like writing off Susan Lewis with NO NOTICE WHATSOEVER and I'll want to vent. Although I like Dr. Clemente...

EDIT: What did I tell you! They fired Helea. I think she's the last of the original nurses, besides Chuny and Malik, and I can't remember the last time I saw them. Damn ER. And damn that I love this show so much.

Drug Me Baby, Drug Me

I didn't write about therapy last month, so I figured I'd give you an update after last night's adventure. However, therapy makes me so crazy that it's best if update occur the next day. So here we have it, my adventures in therapy-land.

I go to a local clinic, which is only $20 a visit and my prescriptions are only $3 a piece, so it's incredibly cheap and pretty much the only way I can afford my medicine. Have you paid for three or four prescriptions a month at full cost? Holy Jesus God is it expensive. The downside to the monetary advantage? They see everyone (twenty or so people on average) on the same night, and all the appointments are scheduled at the same time. It's first come first serve, so despite the appointment being at 5:00, I have to get there at 3:30 to insure I am one of the first people seen. Usually this works just fine, but last night my doctor was late and someone decided to go crazy. So once he did get there he had to see the weeping and vomiting woman first. Don't get me wrong, I understood, but I am also selfish enough to be annoyed.

Finally two hours after I got there I was able to go see him. I've been doing okay, but I'm only on Celexa at the moment, and it doesn't do a thing for my OCD or anxiety issues, I wanted to make a plea for my Xanax prescription back. Unfortunately this is a new doctor who doesn't like to prescribe it since Xanax can be highly addictive. I've taken it for three years at least and never had a problem with that, but doctors don't tend to believe you and are more likely to think you are drug seeking. Luckily two hours in a waiting room with crazy people and an actively psycho woman made me nice and jittery. I got my Xanax.

Last time I was there, I noticed that every woman in the room had some sort of sandal on. It was bizarre, and I wanted to come up with some sort of correlation between crazy people and the need for unfettered feet, but I was too lazy. I did notice that last night all us crazy chicks had on real shoes, so it was more likely a warm weather thing anyway.

Finally, I am sure you are all wondering about the state of the woman who went a bit crazy, and unfortunately she had to be re-committed to the psych ward she'd just gotten out of. This is what angers me. They didn't leave her with enough meds to make it to this appointment, so even though she was technically stable when they let her out (there were a couple others waiting who'd been in with her) she was now off her meds and back to a very dark place. I really hope this time the hospital takes care of her, and makes sure she's going to be taken care of when she's let out again. It also works towards reminding me why I do put up with this clinic, and why I stay on my meds, so that I don't go back to that place. Either a mental place or the physical place of the hospital. Twice is enough, don't you think internet?

Surly little hobos and 16 year old "Scream" killers

Have you ever been excited and lazy about something at the same time? That is kind of what Halloween was for me this year. It's Jack's first Halloween, so I wanted to take him out. The thing is, he can't eat candy and I don't want all that candy, so I decided to be the lamest mom ever and take him Trick or Treating for Unicef. Why have candy when you can raise money for charity? There was only one small problem with this plan. The area that I live in doesn't really do Trick or Treat for Unicef. There aren't any of the stores that you can drop the box off here, and I'd have had to explain it at every door we knocked on. Would you give someone money for Halloween just because they said it was for some charity you'd never heard of? I'd never heard of Unicef until I read about it in a Baby-Sitters Club book or some such as a kid. It wasn't until years later when I moved here that I ever saw commercials for it on stations out of St. Louis. So it really seemed like a lot of trouble when I could send in a ten dollar check and it would be more than we could raise anyway.

Plus? It rained all day yesterday. So screw that. I dressed Jack up and put on a witch's hat and we handed out candy. To some of the surliest Trick or Treaters ever.

What is with this? Do kids not say "Trick or Treat" anymore? We only had two or so kids that said it, and without fail they had parents standing over them. Our first Trick or Treater of the night was like "Yeah, it's all wet and cold" as if he were being punished. I wanted to say "Look kid, I am giving you free candy. Be nice dammit!". But of course I didn't. We didn't have a lot of visitors in general, we live in a four plex, and we were the only ones in our building handing out candy. How wrong is that? The cop that lives across the street and the very patriotic man next to him had their lights off and their houses darkened in the universal sign of "Don't come here for candy evil children". The weird thing was that the four plex two buildings down got a ton of visitors. At this point we were sitting out front to hand out candy so kids didn't have to walk upstairs. People would drive by and wave, and then not stop for candy.

The whole thing was surreal, but no matter how much I bitch it really was a lot of fun. We'd only bought one bag of candy, and we didn't even run out of that, so there is still sugar in the house. I am going to make Joe eat all of it, or take it with him to work to give to people. I've done so well so far!

So that was our family's first Halloween, and now I've shared it with you internet. Don't you feel the love? I do.